i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
