hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
