I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
