I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
