So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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