i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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