dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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