just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
