i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
