dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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