You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
