also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
