Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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