A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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