Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
