Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
