you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
