Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
