butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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