i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
