it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
