How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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