I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
