anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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