I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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