We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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