All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
