More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
