so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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