u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She is in my trunk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
