So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize