Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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