I bet he comes in French.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
