and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
