my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
