You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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