if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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