i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
