fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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