If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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