We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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