Plan B is the new Plan A
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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