The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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