so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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