The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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