hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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