My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
