My hand turned me down
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
