Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
