So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
