Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
