Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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