He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
