She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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