once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
