Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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