You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
