Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
