i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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