there's paper in my vomit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
