Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have post one night stand depression
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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