u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
