if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
