ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
