we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize