Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
