so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
