She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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