I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
