my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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