and she was petting her beer can
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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