he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
tell me about the eggs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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