Duck Duck Cougar?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
